I've created this blog as a way to chronicle my journey towards self-love. The title is a reference to a work by the Persian lyric poet Hafez entitled "With That Moon Language" which I fell in love with the first time I read it (you can find it in the sidebar on the right). It beautifully expresses my philosophy of living with love at the center of our actions. It occurred to me recently that I have focused my energies on loving others through the years, but have somehow managed to fail at loving the one person whose love and acceptance I needed the most: myself.

The nagging sense of inadequacy I have felt as long as I can remember inspires not only a healthy dose of humility, but unhealthy bouts of self-doubt, fear, guilt and shame. I have tried for many years to overcome these negative feelings by throwing my energies into caring for others as selflessly as I could. I thought if I only gave enough of myself to others, they would want to give back and life would be blissful. But inevitably, I gave until I reached burnout, and subsequently felt unappreciated and unloved by those whom I'd essentially given the power to define my self-worth.

When I felt deprived (which was often), I "rewarded" myself by eating unhealthy food or too much (or both!), and/or escaping from reality by immersing myself in a book, TV, or social networking. Unhealthy eating, too little sleep, hormonal imbalances and a lack of exercise contributed to significant weight gain, which further damaged my self-esteem and prompted more avoidance - hence the cycle of guilt, inadequacy and shame has continued for many years. At 42, I've finally decided it's high time to break these destructive cycles and start finding ways to develop the self-love that will inspire the discipline I need to form healthy habits and become a more fulfilled person, and thus more able to be the kind of mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend and employee that I long to be.

My feeble efforts so far to move towards this goal are as follows:
1) I am in weekly counseling with a marriage and family therapist,
2) I have recently taken up yoga, which I intend to practice at least a little bit every day to gain strength and flexibility,
3) I am trying to eat healthier foods, reduce my portion sizes and eat more slowly so that I can tell when I'm full and stop eating - and last but not least,
4) I have started this blog.

I'll post observations and reflections on my progress (or lack thereof) as they occur to me, as well as things I've come across that have inspired me on this journey. I hope that those of you who may happen along will be encouraged by what you see here and inspired to start your own journey, or share the insights you've already gained on this path. We are precious commodities, you and I - and the world needs the gifts we bring to it. Instead of relying on others for our self worth, it's time to speak that sweet moon language to ourselves so that we can live more authentically "with a full moon in each eye."