“Our shortcomings are the eyes with which we see the ideal.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche
So after essentially flagellating myself about my shortcomings last week, I've been spending time this week thinking about what my ideal lifestyle would look like and whether or not it's achievable with the resources I have. Since I'm a visual person, it helps if I write things down, and thanks to my OCD tendencies, I turned my initial list into a tidy outline. To keep it from being too tidy, I resisted the impulse to rearrange them in order of importance.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
So after essentially flagellating myself about my shortcomings last week, I've been spending time this week thinking about what my ideal lifestyle would look like and whether or not it's achievable with the resources I have. Since I'm a visual person, it helps if I write things down, and thanks to my OCD tendencies, I turned my initial list into a tidy outline. To keep it from being too tidy, I resisted the impulse to rearrange them in order of importance.
Quality
time with Peter and Emmy
Daily check-in; listen with attention, respond sympathetically, express affection
Weekend family time – outings vs.
TV/movies
Vacation/travel once or twice a year
Daily
devotional/meditation time
Apply “Paradigm of the Blessed
Increment” (thanks, Candace!)
Clean,
well-organized and attractive house
Laundry up-to-date
Kitchen kept clean
Mopping/vacuuming/dusting once a week
Sweeping sidewalks, throwing away trash outside
Clean/organize master & spare bedrooms, laundry room, refrigerators & pantry
Clean out and organize closets
Deep cleaning once or twice a year –
windows, etc.
Plant flowers around house, pots on
porch, maintain
Regular
exercise:
At least 30 minutes 3x/week, preferably 15-30 minutes daily
Cardio and resistance/weight training
Yoga
Walking breaks at work – indoors in bad weather
Proper
diet:
Less fat, fewer carbs – more whole
grains, fresh veggies and fruit
Small portions
Eating slowly (savoring each bite)
Drinking enough water
Financial
planning:
On time bill payments
Budgeting
Debt reduction
Savings – new furniture/slipcovers,
fix piano, Christmas & b-day gifts, emergencies
Regular maintenance on vehicles,
appliances
Efficiency
at work:
More time spent organizing/filing
Better task management
On time arrival/departure
Growth
for Emmy:
Dance lessons
Piano lessons
Time for creative projects – arts and
crafts
Regular play dates/sleepovers with
friends
Growth for me:
Time for creative hobbies – jewelry-making, knitting, learning to paint, etc.
Singing opportunities, regular practice
time to stay in shape
Adoption/foster parenting?
Complete degree/upward mobility for
career
I feel like all this should be achievable given enough motivation and good time
management - but I'm interested in your opinion, particularly if you're a
working mom (but please weigh in even if you're not). Do you feel this list is do-able? And if not, why not? Thanks in advance for your input!
When you list it all out like that, it is overwhelming. You wrote, "given enough motivation and good time management..." I think the thing you are missing to accomplish many of the things on your list is money. The life you are describing here is that of a wealthy stay-at-home mom who has help - maybe a housekeeper, a nanny, and a nutritionist/personal trainer.
ReplyDeleteAs a working mom, you have "maybe" three hours in the evening to get anything useful done, including cooking and eating dinner, homework, and getting Emmy to bed. And while there is always the weekend, you need time to rest and recover, plan for the new week, and spend time with family and friends. Who wants to spend it cleaning house or other unpleasant tasks?
Many of those items do not require any more money than you are already spending (or hired help). And if taken individually, it sounds like you should be able to do them all. But when you think about the time and energy and planning it takes to do ALL those things, they are just not realistic for a working mom.
Thanks so much for your feedback, Suni! You are right that money could be considered one of the resources necessary to accomplish everything on this list simultaneously, but I meant it more as a list of things to accomplish eventually, not all at once. Some of the items are one-time accomplishments and then maintenance, others once or twice yearly tasks. I think that for the most part it's a matter of being well organized and using the time and funds we do have as productively as possible, but I will definitely need to prioritize and decide what can be left undone if the time and energy simply aren't there.
DeleteGreat list. But no. Don't think it's totally doable for a working mom. Although I do like Pantry Shopper's idea of getting rich and getting a housekeeper and trainer. But until I figure out how to manage that I am trying to take bitesized chunks, to give me the feeling of accomplishment, but still take in consideration my energy level and time.
ReplyDelete1. I'm task oriented. I keep a running list. And every day I try to get one extra thing done. Clean my bathroom. Clean out the fridge. Sort the boys clothes. Just one thing I can check off.
2. I'm a morning person. So I try to orient my day that way. Exercise, being efficient, etc. By evening I just don't care. If I can load the dishwasher, the washing machine and be present to the boys, I consider it a successful evening. And once they are in bed, have some time for my husband and/or myself.
3. I am really trying to say no to extra things, even good things, that take up my time or energy. No, no, no.....
Thanks for responding, Erin! I like the getting rich and hiring help idea, too! ;)
DeleteBite-sized chunks are working for me. I spent a rather large block of time cleaning the house last weekend and have just been trying to put in a little time every day since then to maintain it, and do one little extra thing whenever I see the opportunity and have the time to spare. I'm not operating off a list at present - that's a good idea. I'm most definitely NOT a morning person, and if I exercise at night I get all hyped up and can't sleep, so I still need to work that out. But so far I've been able to keep my kitchen and bathroom and living room reasonably clean, and it makes me feel SO much better about life in general!
It's good to be able to say no. I need to be better about leaving work on time so that I have the time in the evenings to get stuff done. When I leave work at 7:00 or 8:00 (or 9:00 or 10:00, like I did most days for the past two weeks), I end up staying up even later to get dishes/laundry done (if I have any energy to do them at all), and am even less productive the next day as a result.
As a non-mom, I'm glad to trail behind a couple of knowledgable responders to your question, Lori. Your list did seem ambitious to me, but I hesitated to say so, given that I couldn't really match it against my own experience of raising kids.
ReplyDeleteBut what to do? It seems like all the stuff you listed is valuable. What I'm wondering now is if you could take a look at the importance angle. You passed on this step the first time around ostensibly to not look too OCD, but I think it might be a way to give you some peace with what gets done and not done.
I've recently clarified for myself what is most important for me to do with my discretionary time and while there is the pain of intermittently saying "no" to activities that are utterly worthwhile, healthy even, I also have the sense that I'm getting closer to having what I do with my time match up with what I most desire for myself.
Thanks, Candace! I think you're absolutely right about the need for prioritizing this list - I'll feel better if the things that don't get done are those I feel are least important. It's really hard for me to prioritize a lot of this, though. Much of it seems equally important, if not absolutely vital. May have to sit with the list a while longer to figure out what is most crucial - or at least what will make me feel best about myself and most likely inspire me to make more positive, healthy choices.
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